Gambar Hiasan Sahaja – Photos : Iqball_666 

I met a long lost friend yesterday. My previous housemate. A lady with so much painful memories. We haven’t seen each other for years now. But when we did, we hugged and we cried. The pain that she felt back then emanated and it made me cry as well.

I was in the car last night with this dear friend when I heard this song – Harapan – Fazli Zainal. My friend grew quiet and suddenly tears built up in the corners of her eyes. I asked her why and she said, this song just brings so much memories. I knew what she meant. Because when it happened I was her only housemate. And though she’s happily married now with two kids, I realize it brings her so much pain to go back to that day.

On the internet she had met a man by the name of Zol. He studied in the States and was working odd jobs as a graphic designer. I could see that she was happy with him. She was a shy village girl. Then one day she told me something that shocked our world. She was pregnant. I told her I was worried. I told her to tell Zol to be responsible.

When she did, she came back crying her eyes out. She told me that Zol was already with a girl he had known for 2 years now. She was working from home as semstress and did beading work for the boutiques in KL. He told her, he could not just leave her like that, she was supporting him as he did not have a proper job.

I wanted to kill that man.

Eventhough I asked her to stay a while but she insisted she moved out and not to cause any embarrassment to me. She moved not far so that I could keep a close eye on her. I ask her is she would ever tell her family, she said am not sure.

That was the last that I heard of her until I bumped into her the other day.

Over a cup of coffee at Starbuck, she filled in the gaps of what happened after that day. I swear if you read this while listening to Harapan – Fazli Zainal, it will bring tears to your eyes. Her story goes :-

I wanted all the happiness for him, Fay. I really loved him with all my heart that I told him, if I didn’t have him, I shall have this baby, give birth to it and bring it up, because this is all I have of him.

Somehow he soften. He make some excuse to his sister in Ampang and borrowed 3 thousand. With a help of his friend, we took the bus to Ipoh and met a man who was going to take us to the borders of Siam to get married. And we did. In the car, I looked out of the window, somehow I did not feel even a drop of love for him. He held my hand and he was a totally different man, like as if he cared.

Later when he sent me back to my empty house, I cried my heart out. I knew he went back to that woman. The woman her loved more than me.

I went into labour, when to the hospital with a taxi and my mother had to sneek out of the house to take out money to bank it in. I had a daughter. She had his eyes…now that she is older she is left handed like his mother and like him.

In confinement I had to take the bus out with my daughter in tow for the medical check ups. His name is in her birth certificate. When I told him I wanted to tell my parents, he chickened out. He told me he wanted to go home to change his pants, but he never came. Instead he left a note, slipped under my kitchen door. My mother was the one who read it, saying how sorry he was that he cant be responsible and asking my dad to take me home and take care of me. I had to face the wrath of my father alone but luckily when he saw my daughter’s face, he calmed down.

Since my dad could not take it, he wanted him to be responsible. My mother called up his parents, which we tracked down in the TM white pages. Later that week, we had a huge family meeting, him and mine. I was brought back to KL by his brother and family.

We only lived as husband and wife for 3 months. He told me he did a DNA test on my daughter and said that it wasnt his. Because of this he will eventually divorce me and leave me. I have never seen the letter and I was sick of all the games he played. Eventhough I loved him, I knew he was deeply in love with the other woman.

It was drizzling when my parents came to bring me and my daughter back. He was just standing there…mouth heavy to speak or beg me to stay. That is all the memory I have of him…nearly wet standing like a stone…as my parent’s car left the parking lot, his last words to me was “if there wasn’t her…it would have been you” before I left the house.

Fazli Zainal – Harapan
Doaku agar kau kan selalu bahagia
Agar kau temui insan tulus menyayangimu
Lepaskanlah diriku kerna keredhaanmu
Bukan kerna dendam jua bukan kerna kau terpaksa

Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu
Ku undur diri bersama harapan

Tidak kesampaian cinta kita
Ku bawa harapan ku pendam rahsia
Ku di kejauhan mendoakan
Agar kau bahagia tiada lagi duka

Daku rela mengundur diri
Ku pasti dikau kan fahami

Tiada penyesalan kasihku korbankan
Andai telah tertulis ku terima ini bukannya ku pinta
Oh pergilah dikau diiringi keikhlasanku,
Cuma pengalaman mengisi kekosongan mimpiku

After hearing the continuation of her story, I could help but hugged her – she was so frail yet strong. And true she found someone so much much better and wonderful and accepted her as who she was. They are happy now with two kids – one was the one she had before she was married to her now husband.

I wish her all the best. For all the pain and hurt she has gone through, just because of ONE MAN, she deserves the best. TRULY the BEST in life.



Filed under Daily Life, Friends, love, single mother

3 responses to “Harapan

  1. dua dalam satu….sedih dan gembira….sedih dgn apa yg telah berlaku dan gembira dengan kebahgiaan yg di nikmatinya sekarang.
    and you Fay has been her true friend.


  2. siti

    The guy sure is evil and unless she was raped, it’s hard to sympathized with the misfortunes that she had brought upon herself. But anyways, that’s in the past, glad to hear that she’s happy now.

  3. janatunaliya

    Idham : benda-benda macam ni yg kadang-kadang buat kita insaf dan takut at the same time, terutama sekali kalau ada anak perempuan.

    Siti : Its true. You’re torn inbetween being a good friend and a bad friend who badly wants to say you should value ur morals more.

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