A good friend of mine ask me a question yesterday. How do I advise someone I care, that he is destroying himself by going to clubs and getting drunk every night.
I told him, this required an answer that was in a form of a blog…*wink*
Actually, it meant that I had to find a few resources before I could actually provide an answer.
Most muslims know that any form of deformation to Allah’s creation is haram and forbidden.
Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
“According to the teachings of Islam, our body – including all of our physical faculties – is a trust from Allah and we are required to protect and preserve it according to the best of our ability. Consequently, we are not allowed to alter or tamper with our physical faculties unnecessarily; we are only permitted to interfere with them in order to correct a natural deformity or repair or remedy an ailment. Any other form of interference or tampering with our body is akin to altering Allah’s creation which has been condemned in the Qur’an.
We read in the Qur’an that Satan, the accursed one, has pledged to Allah that he will be tirelessly working to lead humans unto ways of perdition and self-destruction: “… ‘And I will surely lead them astray, and arouse desires in them, and command them and they will cut the cattle’s ears, and I will surely command them and they will change Allah’s creation.’ Whoever chooses the Devil for a friend instead of Allah is assuredly a loser, and his loss is manifest.” (An-Nisa’: 119)
While reflecting on the above verse, we must also read the following statements of Allah in the Qur’an: “There is no altering Allah’s creation.” (Ar-Rum: 30); “And do not cast yourselves into destruction by your own hands.” (Al-Baqarah: 195)
…cast yourselves into destruction by your own hands.
Isnt that exactly what you do by going to clubs and getting drunk every night.
Destruction by your own hands – Number 1
My friend mentioned that this person like to do this because it releases tensions. I personally don’t believe this.
In a study done by O’Donnell, K., Wardle, J., Dantzer, C., and Steptoe, A. – Alcohol Consumption and Symptoms of Depression in Young Adults From 20 Countries, showed that there is an association between alcohol consumption and depressive symptoms in young adults.
Therefor, if you are drinking to get rid of your problems or to feel good, you are actually making yourself more depressive that ever.
Which makes sense why you feel the need to go clubbing and drink again, night after night.
Destruction by your own hands – Number 2
“Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood, according to new research. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers”
I think proper expression to use here is that when you drink, you’re actually frying your brain.
Destruction by your own hands – Number 3
A result of drinking too much too quickly. Others who are naïve at the party may think that you are just sleeping it off, but it fact its only mere seconds before you die.
How many of us have seen our friends who have just had one too many, pass out, vomit while he pass out, either just laugh back at the guy and say “you’ve had too many my friend” or just leave him as he is?
Chances are, most of us are just too naïve to know what Alcohol Poisoning is. It may look like as if the person has just passed out.
Infact, if it was you who passed out, your friends are ignorant to this condition, chances are, they will let you die without them knowing it.
Destruction by your own hands – Number 4
Alcohol Liver Disease
What happends? You turn yellow, as if someone painted you with tumeric paste all over. (freaky??) Your eyes sink into your head. Your belly might blow up.
And then you die…your body in that condition, that is if you don’t stop drinking.
Chances are when you reach this stage? You may be too addicted to stop and you refuse to stop.
Destruction by your own hands – Number 5
You wont be able to get it up, for men that is. Not just once, but at one point, you might just totally lose it.
Alcohol has also been implicated as a cause of impotence. In small doses, alcohol releases inhibitions, but in doses larger than one drink, it can depress the central nervous system and impair sexual function.
Infrequent erections deprive the penis of oxygen-rich blood. Without daily erections, collagen production increases and eventually may form a tough tissue that interferes with blood flow. The spontaneous erection men experience while sleeping or awake may be a natural protection against this process.
I’m sure there are a lot more of other sympthoms that are attributed by alcohol. But considering the fact that this person my friend cares about also loves to hang out at clubs or night spots to drink, he is not only “killing himself” by drinking but also being at the clubs themselves.
Little do we know, though even if we dont smoke, being in clubs such alike, we are exposing ourselves to second hand smoking. Studies shows that exposure to second hand smoking is causes death, disease and disability. There is an interesting write up on this at wikipedia.
How to Talk to a Friend
When His/Her Drinking is Causing Problems
Alcohol can effect you even if you’re not drinking.
These second hand drinking effects for the non-drinker
can include: having sleep interrupted, having clothing
soiled due to a date’s or roommate’s vomit, experiencing
a group sanction due to the irresponsible behavior
of a few group members, or receiving a verbal or physical
threat from an intoxicated friend.
“How will I know when to say something?”
You’ll know when you experience a “gut” feeling that something is
wrong; for example, the person’s drinking isn’t normal,
is out of control, or makes you feel worried or uncomfortable.
The thought of talking to friends about their drinking
frequently makes people feel apprehensive, anxious,
and fearful. It is however the most caring thing a person
can do for a friend. You don’t need to wait until your
friend has an out-of-control “problem” before speaking
up. By waiting you would become an “enabler” (one who
allows a problem to continue or even get worse).
“What do I say?”
A format that works well is “I care, I see, I feel, I want, I will.” Choose words that fit your style.
I care. Let the person know that you are concerned about him or her and because of
the significance of the relationship, you need to discuss something important.
Throughout your discussion, stress the fact that you are doing this out of genuine
concern, friendship, and/or love.
I see. Review factual events. “Last Tuesday night you got drunk and missed your
exam the next day. You also vomited three times but didn’t remember any of it the
next day.” Stick to observable, irrefutable facts. The more facts you have, the stronger
your presentation will be. If need be, write them down.
I feel. Tell the individual your honest reaction. “It really scares me to see you like
that,” or “I was furious when you made degrading remarks to my girl/boy friend.”
Let the person know how you felt, using “I” statements (“I was upset…”) which are
incontrovertible rather than “you” statements (“You have a problem…”) which can
be refuted and sound blaming.
I want. Tell the individual what you would like to see happen. “I’d like to see you get
some help from the Substance Abuse Educator,” or, “I want you to talk to with someone
at the Counseling Center.”
I will. This can be the most challenging part of the conversation. Specify what you
will or will not do. “I will walk with you to get help,” or, “I really enjoy our friendship,
but in good conscience, I cannot continue to drink with you,” or, “If you will work on
this issue, I will do everything I can to help, but if you don’t go for help, I can’t
continue in this relationship,” or “I can’t continue to enable your drinking, so I
won’t be covering up for you in front of the RA any longer.” As a friend, you have a
right to avoid situations that make you uncomfortable. Be careful to set bottom lines
only if you can stick with them.
“What if my friend becomes angry?” Be prepared for anger. Recognize that normal
drinkers don’t become angry when their drinking is discussed. However, problem
drinkers may use anger to keep others from addressing their drinking. Don’t take
the anger personally. A rule of thumb is that the angrier a person becomes, the more
serious the problem is. Thus, the extent of the anger is actually a barometer of the
“How do I know if I’ve succeeded?” For the purposes of your peer intervention, a
successful confrontation is one that has happened because you had the courage to
make it happen. Even if there is no immediate result, the cumulative effect of similar
messages over time may eventually lead the person to seek help or to change behavior.