Nobody wants to be born ugly in the eyes of society. Nobody wants hurtful words thrown at their face, even if its behind their backs, that their capabilities and talents are determined by the size of their waist or how big their thighs are or how chubby one’s face is. Before I work where I work now, I was constantly reminded of how ugly I was. Now when I think of it, the hurdels I have had to cross, I’ve done myself proud.
Back in 2000, I worked in the beauty industry where not only stick leg models rule the catwalk but stick straight hair too. I didn’t have the knowledge or even the expertise to know what I was getting into. But I had passion. I love looking at beautiful people. But more over, I think I love looking at ugly people become beautiful.
I often hated the glamourous celebraties and VVIP’s wives that came in. They had an ego as big as their hair sometimes. But there were others that I could kiss the ground they walked upon like Carmen Soo. Her demure was so angelic that everytime she came in to do something with her hair or nails, it was a breath of fresh air especially for someone, whom sometimes society see as a fly on the wall, insignificant. I think maybe the pressure to fit into the mold the fashion industry wants me to be, took the toll that I did a few things I’m not proud of. Carmen was kind. Carmen had a voice that soothe hurtful souls. Carmen never gave this impression that she was someone important or famous. I wish there was more of what Carmen was among those famous people.
And after 3 solid years I was sick of all the words behind my back. I was sick of the discrimination that I had to take because I was ugly and because I was not one of them.
For the first time in my life being a malay, I learnt the hard way of being a minority in a company. I was angry and hurt and I felt that I deserve more recognition of the work I’ve done for them. I pity the girls that have to put up with the same kind of “hurtfull words” just to get by everyday.
Looking back, I have no regrets. I think I was better off without them. I did not need the glitz and the glamour of the beauty industry to tell me I am speacial.
When the opportunity came for me to experience what it was like to work in the transportation industry I did. It was a chance to be able to work both in KL and Singapore at the same time.
And to think that the hurtful words are done. I wasnt the minority anymore. But working with people who only sat behind a wheel of bus, I dont think it was even a war worth fighting.
There were authorities you cant question. Isnt that typical.
There was constant nepotism. Too bad I wasnt there to see the look of this person’s face when the very person he had so much praises for actually became the opposite. Yeah, words do get around real fast. Usually in my case, I wasnt the one who had the last laugh.
But I do miss my customers. I miss talking and taking care of them. I never cared of the recognition they gave. I was glad sometimes to just see them again and take us as their provider.
My ex collegue told me I was missed deeply by the customers. Its not a lost for me. Infact I only enjoyed a 12 hour period of being jobless before I got the next one. For this one, I stayed long enough to prove a point. 3 months and I resigned when I was still looked up by all my juniors who wanted to be like me. But all I wanted to tell the world, especially to Mr H, who told my direct supervisor I was TOO FAT for the job as a cabin crew…
Fat girls are here to stay and we get the job done just like other people do, sometimes even better.
An indeed, my patience was rewarded and a few months after that I landed a job in a multinational company with a handsome position next to my name.
If I could have it my way, I wouldn’t have pictured it more perfectly, its been a year now that I’ve been working around wonderful people. People who look at your strenghs and guide you through your weekness. People who love to eat even if they are not as skinny or as chubby as I am. People who are so close and dear to my heart that they’re like sisters.
Tonight, I just laugh at all those hurtfull people. I am in a much better place now. I work with multinational people and I work in a position where my previous superiors where. It cant get any better than this baby…
All I want to say..to
“Big Brother”, Encik Z and Mr H…the fact that hating you guys are a waste of time. They say that sometimes when you’re up, other people are down. Me being down during those times with you guys, was actually preparing myself to be up here where I belong right now.