My Mama


My mother is a picture perfect that epitomize the rock that holds our family steadily. I wouldn’t want her any different.

Each time I hear her on the phone, her voice tingles in excitement. It is this, which I hope to, each time I call her, to know that every thing is ok. I am very quiet with my dad. Maybe after 32 years he is still the authoritarian figure that I have always seen him. But you know, as authoritarian as he gets, I know there is a soft side to Abah in him.

Sometimes Ma’s voice quiver to show how sad she is. When the rain doesn’t stop for days. When she’s upset with someone. When she’s upset with Abah or my other brothers. When she’s upset with me *shugs*

I think half of my life I’ve done things out of her approval and more of her disapprovals. Now I’m trying to make half of my life (maybe) to do things to make her happy.

Sometimes I wish for everything in the world for her. I wish for things she didn’t have. I wish for good health and prosperity for her. I also wish that her guidance will be with me always.

This is an emotional piece I am writing about Ma. From a princess I became her heartbreak at times. From a jewel I became a toad in all the muddy evil things the world has to offer. Ma was sad, angry but not for long. I am still her only daughter.

I read on a friend’s blog how she lost her mother. Then I turn to myself and I am grateful she is still here. That she is not down with some life threatening sickness. I wouldn’t know how to act as well if that day came for me. How can I live without my Ma.

At times when I cook, I think of Ma. Without Ma I wouldn’t learn even three quarter of what I can do with a wok or frying pan or oven or rice cooker. Ma taught me to “listen” to my taste buds. A creation of something tantalizing can be broken down by your tongue. Take time to open your senses to what’s in the cooking. In time, you don’t even need a recipe book to guide you that much.

Ma is the loved one of her Ma, my late grand mother Nek Yam.  I could understand why. There are times I think she keeps this as a dark secret in her heart. She always believed that education is a powerful tool a woman can hold. It safeguards a woman from all the harm in the world. I know a piece of that comes from her own short comings.

I regret if I had said I wish I had a different Ma. I know all mothers just wants the best for her daughter.

I guess my Ma too….

From Left : Ma & Mak Yah


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